When we learn about the world we (usually subconsciously) form rules that we then use to predict how future experiences will go. This is a necessary part of learning but sometimes our system needs some fine-tuning. We may for example learn to see sadness as necessary for empathy or happiness as a type of superficiality. Because we want to be empathic and authentic our system then tries to retain sadness so that we may achieve our aim and we end up blocked in our efforts to change.
Action: It is important to recognise that there are typically a number of paths to the same outcome. In the above example, sadness ≠ empathy, as there are sad people who lack empathy and empathic people who are not sad. Therefore sadness is sadness and empathy is empathy. Likewise there are those who are happy and have depth. Detaching feelings in this way allows you to step in to the most appropriate mindset for you.